January 15, 2012 by Dan Mitchell
I’ve received several versions of this over the years. I’m not sure whether I like this more than the modern fable of the ant and the grasshopper, but it’s definitely good.
Cows and Government
Socialism
Is this the hope or the change?
You have two cows. The government takes one and give one to your neighbor.
Communism
You have two cows. The government takes them both and promises you milk but you starve.
Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.
Bureaucracy
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.
Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Bain Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.
Redistributionism
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support someone else who already got a free cow from the government.
As you can imagine from my previous posts, I think the Romney dig was a good touch.
Here’s a different version.
A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
A CAPITALIST:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
Here’s a final version. It’s perhaps mildly un-PC, like this joke about terrorism alerts.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.
A TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan “countryside” and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels and the Jews.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
Last but not least, this joke about bureaucracy is a good way to close.
I do not have any cows. I would like to get one. I also would need someone to give me money to buy supplies for my cow. And please build air conditioned barn so my cow can live in minimal comfort. Almost forgot-need allowance to hire cow keeper.
Shall I make an appointment at Social Security office to request help with this?
GREECE : You have 2 cows and your family live with this milk.
Then a German or French company give 10 cows to a minister and then sell submarines to Greece.
To do this, German or French bank give a loan with high interest to Greece.
Then crisis come. They take your 2 cows to give back the interests to the Bank.
No one else has trouble.
GREECE : You have 2 cows and your family live with this milk.
Then a German or French company give 10 cows to a minister and then sell submarines to Greece.
To do this German or French bank give a loan with high interest to Greece.
Then crisis come. They take your 2 cows to give the interests to the Bank.
No one else has trouble.
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I have a joke update
A Christian
You have 2 cows you keep one give one to your neighbors’ kid and molest him.
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A Christian using their talents (Matthew 25:14-30) would sell a cow, buy a bull, build a herd and tithe to the poor. God wants us to do well and do good.
[…] Very well done. Reminds me of the PC version of the story about the ant and the grasshopper, or perhaps the joke about using two cows to explain various economic and political systems. […]
[…] to your grandkid and ask him to go fill them and give them back to your neighbor. Taken from: Using Two Cows to Explain the Theory of Government | International Liberty __________________ Jim 1983 944n/a 2003 Mercedes CLK 500 – totaled. Sanwiched on the Kennedy […]
This was funny, but I would alter the Democrat one: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, keep most of it for themselves, and give the remainder to the neighbor who buys a hamburger and puts off looking for a job one more day. You feel righteous.
[…] If this fable seems familiar, you may be thinking about the post that used beer to explain the tax system. And if you prefer your irony on the 5th-grade level instead of the 3rd-grade level, here’s a post using two cows to explain various economic and political systems. […]
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[…] Very well done. Reminds me of the PC version of the story about the ant and the grasshopper, or perhaps the joke about using two cows to explain various economic and political systems. […]
[…] If your left-wing friends understand this fable, then you can see if they’re ready for more advanced stories, such as the one about using beer to explain the tax system, the joke about using two cows to explain various economic and political systems. […]
[…] beer to explain the tax system, the PC version of the story about the ant and the grasshopper, the joke about using two cows to explain various economic and political systems, and the modern fable about bureaucracy, featuring an ant and a […]
[…] Very well done. Reminds me of the PC version of the story about the ant and the grasshopper, or perhaps the joke about using two cows to explain various economic and political systems. […]
[…] Very well done. Reminds me of the PC version of the story about the ant and the grasshopper, or perhaps the joke about using two cows to explain various economic and political systems. […]
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And this version ( which I grabbed from somewhere unknown. It’s date stamped October 2006). ENRON EXPLAINED:
In case you were wondering how Enron came into so much trouble, here is an explanation reputedly given by a Colorado Aggie professor to explain it in terms his students could understand. Capitalism — You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. Enron Venture Capitalism — You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Now do you see why a company with $62 billion in assets is declaring bankruptcy?
A casino owns two cows. They charge suckers 4% to milk the cows for the casino. The mob skims off the cream. Harry Reid makes it illegal for any other entities to charge people for the privilege of milking a cow.
A SWEDISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sign a union contract with them and give them hay for one year as they go on maternity leave. GOVERNMENT MOTORS:
You have two cows. You give one to the union and put a cork in the rear end of the other one to stop greenhouse gas emissions. THE WHITE HOUSE:
You have two cows. When you try to milk one, only gaffes come out of it. When you try to milk the other it runs off to Hawaii for another vacation. CONGRESS:
You have two cows. You milk them, drink the milk, then you borrow two buckets of milk from your neighbor, drink it all, give the two empty buckets to your grandkid and ask him to go fill them and give them back to your neighbor.
So you too are criticizing Bain Capital? I can’t stand Romney, but the attacks on private equity and other free market players are straight out of the David Axelrod playbook.
